


Around and 'round We Go

by cousinmary



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-28
Updated: 2015-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-09 21:00:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5555183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cousinmary/pseuds/cousinmary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Buffy had first started the convoy gig she’d only see an Elf once in a great while.  Apparently they didn’t hang much in Fangorn, mostly sticking to Lorien.  But then they’d made a wrong turn in a bad storm and the Lorien Elves had seen her.  Now they wouldn’t leave her alone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Around and 'round We Go

Disclaimers: Don’t own BTVS. Don’t own LotRs.

 

Around and ‘round we go  
By: Cousin Mary

 

It had been almost a year since Buffy had landed butt first in Middle Earth. Okay, closer to eight months, but still, time seemed to pass much slower in a world of no malls and no indoor plumbing. Every few weeks she’d see a glittering portal with Willow and/or Dawn on the other side trying to bring her back, but as of yet they hadn’t been able to get the damn things big enough for a full sized person to fit through safely. They _had_ been able to pass her care packages (with chocolate, deodorant and the latest Vogue) so she was surviving, but just barely.

She’d ended up with a job escorting a supply caravan from Gondor to Rohan and back again. It was tedious, dusty work and she rarely got to slay so much as a scrawny orc much less the hordes she’d been promised. Still, it beat being a barmaid. Lord knew she wasn’t cut out for that type of work. Her time as Anne definitely hadn’t prepared her for all the rear pinching and all around rudeness that a Bree barmaid had to put up with. She’d gotten the job easily enough, but had been let go after she’d broken her third customer’s arm. But he’d _sooo_ had it coming.

Then, luckily she’d run into Etchem, originally from East Bight, who had run one of the most successful trading convoys in all Middle Earth, that was, until all his men had been eaten by marauding orcs. Though Buffy was beginning to think they’d just run off for better paying jobs because unless you counted squirrels as orcs, she hadn’t seen enough to qualify as a group much less a hoarde.

So from Gondor to Rohan and back. Repeat. And again. A few weeks on the trail, a couple days off, then turn around and do it all over again. The excitement of a whole new dimension had worn off quickly. The people were nice enough, in a bad King Arthur remake sort of way. But hardly anyone could read, very few bathed or brushed their teeth regularly and most of the cute guys? Not so cute. 

Except the Elves. Oh, there were plenty of hotties among the Elves that occasionally stuck their perfect little noses out of Fangorn Forest. Perfect glowy stupid hotties that probably looked down their noses at girls who smelled like horses and sweat and weeks on the trail, but she’d bet _they_ wouldn’t smell too good either if they worked her job.

When she’d first started the convoy gig she’d only see an Elf once in a great while. Apparently they didn’t hang much in Fangorn, mostly sticking to Lorien according to Etchem. But then they’d made a wrong turn in a bad storm and the Lorien Elves had seen her. Now they wouldn’t leave her alone.

Well, wouldn’t leave her alone when she was there making the loop past Fangorn. Which wasn’t really very often considering. A day, sometimes two. They’d see them, stay a few days in Rohan and then see them on the way back out. Then it was three weeks again as they made the trek to Gondor’s white-opolis and then back. But now the Elves never missed them. The Elf-boy in charge was always there, all blonde and tall, standing among those huge scary trees and watching her as the caravan went by. He never spoke, Etchem said there was a good chance he didn’t speak their language anyway. But tall, pale and drool worthy was always there.

After two uneventful days in Rohan it was time to load up the wagons and head back. It was cold and raining out and the horses were acting up because of it. But it was still better than being a barmaid in the time before sexual harassment lawsuits, Buffy reminded herself. And, at least she’d finally mastered horseback riding, which would come in handy when she got back home… maybe. You know, if she ever had to slay something on horseback she could joust! Okay, maybe not. God she needed a hot bath and a manicure. She didn’t even want to think about her hair. Luckily there weren’t many high quality mirrors in Middle Earth, most were warped or smoky so she didn’t have to see what had happened to her kick ass chunky high-lights.

It was trip number 18 or so when she finally got her orcs. And the smelly, nasty things that they were, they had to do it right in front of Fangorn… the one time the hot Elf patrol was not there! It didn’t really matter, Buffy was able to take them out easily enough. The orcs managed to shoot one of their rough, poisoned arrows into one of the ponies, but other than that the caravan got out fine. Buffy was just collecting up all her dropped weapons when Elf-in-charge came rushing out of the forest.

He looked around at all the dead orcs, there were a lot of them, and looked really upset. For one weird moment she thought he was mad that she’d had all the fun, but as he spun around and gathered her in his arms it became clear that it wasn’t the orcs he’d been worried about.

Buffy was just enjoying her first Elf-kiss when she heard her sister clearing her throat behind her. Buffy groaned and turned, stopping her Elf hottie from grabbing his dagger. It figured, Dawn and Willow were standing there in the prettiest, stablest portal you ever wanted to see. At least Willow had the grace to look a bit sheepish about interrupting her, but Dawn just gawked and giggled like she’d never seen a kiss before.

“ _Now_?” Buffy knew she was whining, but come on! 8 months of horses and trail dust and nothing, and now hot elfness and she had to go?! 

“Sorry,” Willow shrugged, then waved at the confused Elf. Dawn just giggled.

Buffy sighed, snuck one last kiss and ducked into the portal just as it was disappearing. Haldir was left, standing alone in a sea of dead orcs. The woman he’d watched for months gone and only the strange echoing voice of one of the girls who’d so strangely appeared only to vanish moments later with the one who’d come to haunt his dreams.

“Ew Buffy, you know you kinda smell, right?”

 

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